Sunday, January 22, 2017

That one dream with Bob Ross and Julia Child

I have odd, vivid dreams.  Last night's was no exception.  It was one of those where the plot changed in and out to multiple dreams and so on.  The following is an excerpt from last night.

I'm in a Bob Ross painting class taught by the man himself.  My cousin and his two sons walk in talking about the [Chicago] Bears and then about my husband's uncle that they are related to as well and how he already died.

Apparently I'm doing a terrible job on my landscape painting and Bob Ross tells me I need to pack up and leave to take Julia Child's Remedial Painting Class.

1. Fuck you, Bob.
2. I wasn't aware that Julia Child also taught paining.
3. Pretty sure she's dead, too.

As I pack up and leave, my sister-in-law shows up and tells me I also have to sell her leftover Avon supplies.  Julia Child's classroom is in the Home Ec room of my middle school.  There's tons of people piling into the class and I can't seem to find a seat as when I put my stuff down, someone else moves it and steals the seat.  I'm pissed and freaking out because for whatever reason I NEED TO SUCCEED AT A PAINTING CLASS FOR FUCK'S SAKE I JUST WANT A SPOT!

So the class is going on and I, a near-35-year-old-woman, am being picked on by junior high aged students because I have no where to sit, let alone paint.  Juila Child then shouts at me as I stand in the back of the room that I'm slacking.  "I DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE TO SIT, JULIA!" I shout then grab my things and storm out of the room.

Going back down the hall to wherever it was I came from Bob Ross's class, the whole area gets creepy dark and I come to a doorway with a super-bolted and locked door.  Some lady opens it and comes to me, "Someone was asking to meet the weird kids we keep in the tower, I don't know if it was you so I unlocked the door so you can meet them."

By "weird kids" she meant teenagers who are monster zombies and immediately start pouring through the door to attack me.  Then I wake up.

FROM A DREAM WITHIN A FUCKING DREAM.  Apparently I've fallen asleep at some bus terminal with my husband, his sister, my BFF, his roommate, and like 30 other people.  I tell them about my Bob Ross and Julia Child hissy fit, which also involved Katya from RuPaul's Drag Race somewhere, and they all start laughing, except for my sister-in-law who asks if I have sold any of her Avon shit yet.  Then I actually woke up.

Fun facts:
- I and my cousins are originally from Chicago and one of them does work for the Bears.
- My husband's uncle was in fact in the hospital and has since passed after having this dream (his mom was already at his bedside with family, so it was already in process).  We got the call at 6am so this dream happened after that call.
- We stream The Joy of Painting before we fall asleep if nothing else is on TV/we can't fall asleep.
- I already have a shit ton of dreams where I'm back in my middle school for whatever reason.
- I'm a big, fat, scardy cat and do not watch any of the zombie shows or movies.

What the actual fuck, subconscious.

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